I almost forgot, but it's not midnight yet. I was lying in bed, thinking about all the work I have to do this weekend, when I realized that I hadn't written my blog yet. At 11:30 pm I got out of my warm bed, turned on my computer, and began to write my blog. I find myself at a loss of words. I usually write my blogs as soon as I get an idea; however, this week I did not get an idea. That is why I am here now, just before the dead line, trying to find an acceptable blog entry.
The only thing I can even think about right now is school. I am in my fourth year of college, but I am not happily awaiting graduation in May. I have another year to look forward to. I am starting to realize just how hard I am going to have to work to graduate in May of '09. This realization is putting my stress tolerance to the test. It has been difficult to chill out in the present while I am trying to plan the future.
This is a common problem with me. Sometimes, I think so much about tomorrow's problems that I find it hard to focus on today's events. I often have to tell myself to slow down and take one thing at a time. Right now I am exceptionally stressed because I have a lot going on, including finals --- and I know every student reading this right now is feeling that stress. To add to everything going on in my life right now, I am sick. This is such a wonderful time of the year for us college students.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Blind Love
It's hard to love a person so much, and then watch them get treated so poorly. That's what I have to do when it comes to my roommate. I love her dearly. She is such a wonderful person who is filled with so much potential. If only she could see this in herself. Instead, she holds on to her, excuse my language, asshole boyfriend from high school who treats her like crap. Everything she allows herself to be is shaped around him, whether she sees it or not.
He talks down to her. Everything he says to her is demeaning. He is the kind of guy that thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen. Nonetheless, my roommate, and good friend, sees none of this in him. She still sees him as though she is a sixteen year old girl and he is the big eighteen year old that she is lucky to have, and he makes sure she stays stuck in this way of thinking. He makes sure that her self-esteem will stay very low, so she will feel lucky to have anyone, especially him. He tells her she is putting on weight. He tells her she needs to stop eating and start exercising. He blames every little thing that goes wrong on her, and she follows suit, putting the blame on herself. He never tells her how beautiful she is, or how amazing she is. He never lets her believe she can be anything else besides his whipping post. Still, she refuses to see any of this.
It makes me absolutely miserable to see the way she allows him to treat her. He is a rude pompous, idiot; to top it all off, he isn't even the tiniest bit good looking. In fact, I would say he is downright ugly. Not that good looks are totally essential, I am just emphasizing that he is ugly on the outside as well as the inside. It is completely obvious to everyone but her that he cheats on her all the time. Yet, she will not acknowledge any of it. It kills me to watch her go through this.
I just want to shake her and tell her how pretty and smart she is, and what a great personality she has when he is not around her. However, I know this would not do anything to help her. She has to open up her eyes and let go of him on her own. He makes her think that she is lucky to have him, but the truth is, he is totally blessed to have a girl like her feel for him the way she does. I hope someday she will realize this and finally walk away from him. Then she will be able to look back at how much time she wasted on him and see that he was the lucky one, not the other way around.
I am not the only one who feels like this. All of our friends agree with me. We have all tried to talk some sense into her, but she wont listen to any one of us. This is not surprising, because when it comes to matters of the heart, no one ever listens to the good advice they are given. Every time he throws her away like yesterday's garbage, and then decides to take her back for a bit, we all cringe at her delight to be with him again. I wish I could disconnect, tell myself not to care, but I cannot. I am a compassionate person and it hurts me to watch my friend get stomped all over by a worthless loser. I am patiently waiting for the day that she will finally throw him away. Actually, we are all waiting for that day.
He talks down to her. Everything he says to her is demeaning. He is the kind of guy that thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen. Nonetheless, my roommate, and good friend, sees none of this in him. She still sees him as though she is a sixteen year old girl and he is the big eighteen year old that she is lucky to have, and he makes sure she stays stuck in this way of thinking. He makes sure that her self-esteem will stay very low, so she will feel lucky to have anyone, especially him. He tells her she is putting on weight. He tells her she needs to stop eating and start exercising. He blames every little thing that goes wrong on her, and she follows suit, putting the blame on herself. He never tells her how beautiful she is, or how amazing she is. He never lets her believe she can be anything else besides his whipping post. Still, she refuses to see any of this.
It makes me absolutely miserable to see the way she allows him to treat her. He is a rude pompous, idiot; to top it all off, he isn't even the tiniest bit good looking. In fact, I would say he is downright ugly. Not that good looks are totally essential, I am just emphasizing that he is ugly on the outside as well as the inside. It is completely obvious to everyone but her that he cheats on her all the time. Yet, she will not acknowledge any of it. It kills me to watch her go through this.
I just want to shake her and tell her how pretty and smart she is, and what a great personality she has when he is not around her. However, I know this would not do anything to help her. She has to open up her eyes and let go of him on her own. He makes her think that she is lucky to have him, but the truth is, he is totally blessed to have a girl like her feel for him the way she does. I hope someday she will realize this and finally walk away from him. Then she will be able to look back at how much time she wasted on him and see that he was the lucky one, not the other way around.
I am not the only one who feels like this. All of our friends agree with me. We have all tried to talk some sense into her, but she wont listen to any one of us. This is not surprising, because when it comes to matters of the heart, no one ever listens to the good advice they are given. Every time he throws her away like yesterday's garbage, and then decides to take her back for a bit, we all cringe at her delight to be with him again. I wish I could disconnect, tell myself not to care, but I cannot. I am a compassionate person and it hurts me to watch my friend get stomped all over by a worthless loser. I am patiently waiting for the day that she will finally throw him away. Actually, we are all waiting for that day.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
A Creative Block
My whole life I have loved to write. I wrote poems from the age of six. I wrote short stories from the age of ten. When I was fifteen I wrote my first song; my brother wrote the music and I wrote the lyrics. Writing has always been an enjoyable past-time for me, something I could do to unwind. Nevertheless, I have seen that change over the past few months.
My life has become increasingly busy and stressful and my creative juices have slowly dwindled away. I have tried to sit down and write, write anything, and my pen will not move on the paper. I had trouble getting out a simple short story for my creative writing class. Creative writing is a subject that I have always excelled at, and yet my latest short story was just not up to par. Although I received positive feed back, it was not something I was exceptionally proud of.
Each week these blog entries become more difficult to get out. Now I am even having trouble writing research papers and simple homework assignments. I never really knew what writer's block was until recently. I can say with complete certainty that I am currently suffering from a severe case of writer's block. I wish I could just break down the wall and write all my troubles away, but that does not seem to be an option. Since I cannot figure out how to cure my problem, I must continue to do what I have been doing since the beginning of the semester. I must push through till my last final. The end of the semester will lower my stress level, and hopefully allow me time to clear my mind and get to writing again.
My life has become increasingly busy and stressful and my creative juices have slowly dwindled away. I have tried to sit down and write, write anything, and my pen will not move on the paper. I had trouble getting out a simple short story for my creative writing class. Creative writing is a subject that I have always excelled at, and yet my latest short story was just not up to par. Although I received positive feed back, it was not something I was exceptionally proud of.
Each week these blog entries become more difficult to get out. Now I am even having trouble writing research papers and simple homework assignments. I never really knew what writer's block was until recently. I can say with complete certainty that I am currently suffering from a severe case of writer's block. I wish I could just break down the wall and write all my troubles away, but that does not seem to be an option. Since I cannot figure out how to cure my problem, I must continue to do what I have been doing since the beginning of the semester. I must push through till my last final. The end of the semester will lower my stress level, and hopefully allow me time to clear my mind and get to writing again.
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