Guilty Pleasure

For my last blog entry I've decided to come out with my love for trashy TV. When reality TV first began gaining popularity I thought it was the worst type of TV ever thought of. I refused to watch one episode of any one of those "trashy" shows as I called them. I actually didn't watch much TV. There were only a couple of drama shows that I was hooked on.

One day my best friend told me to watch a show called "Project Runway." I resisted at first, but after watching one episode I was hooked. I told her, and myself, that this would be the only reality TV show I would ever watch. I made excuses for the show. I said it was much better quality reality TV and it actually required skill to win. Unfortunately, this was not the last reality TV show I would ever watch.

After becoming obsessed with "Project Runway," much more smut followed. I began watching "America's Next Top Model" and then "Flavor of Love." I soon became a regular reality TV watcher. I now watch most reality shows on VH1, E!, and Bravo. I understand how horrible they are, and I actually spend most of my time making fun of what's happening, but I just can't stop. These trashy TV shows pulled me in and I can't find the will to stop watching them. I am a little embarrassed by my love for these shows, but I suppose we are all entitled to our guilty pleasures.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I almost forgot, but it's not midnight yet. I was lying in bed, thinking about all the work I have to do this weekend, when I realized that I hadn't written my blog yet. At 11:30 pm I got out of my warm bed, turned on my computer, and began to write my blog. I find myself at a loss of words. I usually write my blogs as soon as I get an idea; however, this week I did not get an idea. That is why I am here now, just before the dead line, trying to find an acceptable blog entry.

The only thing I can even think about right now is school. I am in my fourth year of college, but I am not happily awaiting graduation in May. I have another year to look forward to. I am starting to realize just how hard I am going to have to work to graduate in May of '09. This realization is putting my stress tolerance to the test. It has been difficult to chill out in the present while I am trying to plan the future.

This is a common problem with me. Sometimes, I think so much about tomorrow's problems that I find it hard to focus on today's events. I often have to tell myself to slow down and take one thing at a time. Right now I am exceptionally stressed because I have a lot going on, including finals --- and I know every student reading this right now is feeling that stress. To add to everything going on in my life right now, I am sick. This is such a wonderful time of the year for us college students.

Blind Love

It's hard to love a person so much, and then watch them get treated so poorly. That's what I have to do when it comes to my roommate. I love her dearly. She is such a wonderful person who is filled with so much potential. If only she could see this in herself. Instead, she holds on to her, excuse my language, asshole boyfriend from high school who treats her like crap. Everything she allows herself to be is shaped around him, whether she sees it or not.

He talks down to her. Everything he says to her is demeaning. He is the kind of guy that thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen. Nonetheless, my roommate, and good friend, sees none of this in him. She still sees him as though she is a sixteen year old girl and he is the big eighteen year old that she is lucky to have, and he makes sure she stays stuck in this way of thinking. He makes sure that her self-esteem will stay very low, so she will feel lucky to have anyone, especially him. He tells her she is putting on weight. He tells her she needs to stop eating and start exercising. He blames every little thing that goes wrong on her, and she follows suit, putting the blame on herself. He never tells her how beautiful she is, or how amazing she is. He never lets her believe she can be anything else besides his whipping post. Still, she refuses to see any of this.

It makes me absolutely miserable to see the way she allows him to treat her. He is a rude pompous, idiot; to top it all off, he isn't even the tiniest bit good looking. In fact, I would say he is downright ugly. Not that good looks are totally essential, I am just emphasizing that he is ugly on the outside as well as the inside. It is completely obvious to everyone but her that he cheats on her all the time. Yet, she will not acknowledge any of it. It kills me to watch her go through this.

I just want to shake her and tell her how pretty and smart she is, and what a great personality she has when he is not around her. However, I know this would not do anything to help her. She has to open up her eyes and let go of him on her own. He makes her think that she is lucky to have him, but the truth is, he is totally blessed to have a girl like her feel for him the way she does. I hope someday she will realize this and finally walk away from him. Then she will be able to look back at how much time she wasted on him and see that he was the lucky one, not the other way around.

I am not the only one who feels like this. All of our friends agree with me. We have all tried to talk some sense into her, but she wont listen to any one of us. This is not surprising, because when it comes to matters of the heart, no one ever listens to the good advice they are given. Every time he throws her away like yesterday's garbage, and then decides to take her back for a bit, we all cringe at her delight to be with him again. I wish I could disconnect, tell myself not to care, but I cannot. I am a compassionate person and it hurts me to watch my friend get stomped all over by a worthless loser. I am patiently waiting for the day that she will finally throw him away. Actually, we are all waiting for that day.

A Creative Block

My whole life I have loved to write. I wrote poems from the age of six. I wrote short stories from the age of ten. When I was fifteen I wrote my first song; my brother wrote the music and I wrote the lyrics. Writing has always been an enjoyable past-time for me, something I could do to unwind. Nevertheless, I have seen that change over the past few months.

My life has become increasingly busy and stressful and my creative juices have slowly dwindled away. I have tried to sit down and write, write anything, and my pen will not move on the paper. I had trouble getting out a simple short story for my creative writing class. Creative writing is a subject that I have always excelled at, and yet my latest short story was just not up to par. Although I received positive feed back, it was not something I was exceptionally proud of.

Each week these blog entries become more difficult to get out. Now I am even having trouble writing research papers and simple homework assignments. I never really knew what writer's block was until recently. I can say with complete certainty that I am currently suffering from a severe case of writer's block. I wish I could just break down the wall and write all my troubles away, but that does not seem to be an option. Since I cannot figure out how to cure my problem, I must continue to do what I have been doing since the beginning of the semester. I must push through till my last final. The end of the semester will lower my stress level, and hopefully allow me time to clear my mind and get to writing again.

A Comcast Caution

If you have just moved into a new place and are wondering what cable service you should get allow me to give you one piece of advice: DO NOT GET COMCAST. I had never experienced such horrible service before getting Comcast hooked up in my house. They are the only cable providers in this area so they think they can treat you as poorly as they would like. We have had Comcast installed for only a month, and that month has been a month of cable and Internet hell.

Comcast does not care if you are a student and need to use the Internet for research purposes. Comcast does not care if your roommate just wants to relax for the first time in weeks but cannot watch the broken cable. Comcast does not care about any problems their customers endure. They will let your services be broken for days without sending a technician. When they finally do schedule you an appointment, they will take you off the schedule just as fast as they put you on.

The point here is this, Comcast is evil. I would advise every single person considering Comcast for their Internet and cable provider to go another route. Direct TV is the smarter choice. It isn't an option for everyone, but if you can, go for Direct TV. It is a little bit more of a pain because you cannot get Internet through Direct TV, however, it is worth the extra time of setting up a phone line with AT&T as well. Then your television service will come from people who will actually give you proper service, and your Internet will come from the phone line.

COMCAST IS EVIL! Seriously.

Make-up Blunder

I just got home from the gym and I can't stop thinking about something I saw there. A woman, working out, with a full face of make-up. Why on earth would any woman want to have make-up on while she is working up a sweat? I did not see her after her work out, but I am sure her make-up was running all over the place. Unless she was only there to pretend she was working out, but really just trying to find hot guys. If that was her reason for being there than I have no words to describe what an idiot she is.

I should not be so mean because I don't know her reasons for being at the gym. I'm just trying to point out the obvious, it is ridiculous to wear a full face of make-up for a work out. Maybe she just came from work or somewhere that she had to have on make-up; I have done that, but I always wash it off before I begin my work out. I just thought she looked ridiculous.

It makes me wonder how many woman do this, and if all the women who do do this are trying to impress men. If this is a common practice then I have to figure out another, more solitary, kind of workout. It took me a long time to convince myself that no one is looking at me work out while I'm there because it makes me so uneasy to think that people are watching me. If the gym really is a place to pick-up on the opposite sex, therefore watch other people workout, than I am going to have to buy my own equipment for my home.

Life...

In high school I was on stage performing at least twice a year. I kept up with my voice lessons and performed in musical theater shows often. When I went to study theater at Long Beach State I found that those theater majors did not consider my personal favorite form of theater to be "real" theater. They turned their noses down at musical theater. To my fellow students, dramatic theater is was the only theater form worth studying. This was a very sad realization for me.

By my third semester in college I was searching for a new major. That's when I took my first political science class. I really enjoyed the topic and decided this was the path I would take. Shortly after I decided on a creative writing minor and I was finally settled into this whole college thing.

I love both my major and my minor but now I feel like something is missing in my life. I miss singing and I miss being on stage. Life is so hectic with school and work it is hard to find time to perform these days. I hope that I will be able to get back into theater once I am done with school. At least until I figure out what else I am going to do with my life.